Friday, 27 March 2015

Heavy Sweetness Ash-Like Frost: Translation (Chapter 22.2: Love and Hate Changes in an Instant)




  I know the wait for Jin Mi and Phoenix to finally meet has been excruciatingly long - but sometimes I think that gestation period is so very important, because sometimes we forget what an impossible position Jin Mi is in. She longs for a man she killed - she longs for a man she thought deserved death for killing her father. If she was a noble idiot (which she is not, perhaps just an idiot?), she would have locked herself far away and tried to repent herself out of existence - but no, she goes back to the Demon Realms again, ignoring that he just tried to kill her by burning her with samadhi flames. 

  You can see why all the sane rational gods around them (if they existed and knew) would be like - Run, girl, Run. And, Jin Mi, does run - just not in the direction you might expect. 


Chapter 22: Love and Hate Changes in an Instant (Part 2 of 4)

  The candlelight in the room emanated a low glow and flickered over his face, leaving it half in light and half in darkness. Because he was drunk, his lips were moist, and there was a layer of weariness in his brows. The place between his brows in which I had bit him - there was no longer any trace of that. 

  I lowered my head and seriously examined him, hate him? Love him?

  If I didn't hate him, why would I personally kill him? But, why was I in such pain after I killed him - an unbearable agony that was worse than death? Was this because of a voodoo spell? But, if I loved him like what the others say, why would I kill him? We accompanied each other day and night for a hundred years but I never sensed any other feelings, in the hundreds of years after when he spoke deep words of longing to me my heart also did not move, he kissed me, he kissed me many times, that time when he was really drunk, we even mutually cultivated... but, I have never placed him inside my heart. 

  How could I have fallen in love with him immediately after his death? What's more he is engaged to Sui He already...

  He suddenly opened his eyes, those dark pupils stared at me. Not a glimmer of the light in the room was reflected within his gaze. I was so shocked by his sudden movement that I couldn't move. But, he only looked at me and thereafter closed his eyes. Suddenly, I recalled that he acted like this too when he was drunk in the mortal realms, he was only unconsciously blinking and wasn't really awake.

 His lips moved and lightly opened, as if he was saying something. I became curious and leaned my ear closer to hear his words. After a moment and after carefully observing the shape of his mouth, I thought he was trying to make out two words... "Water... Drink..." He must be thirsty after drinking so much alcohol.

   Before I realised what I did, I had already transformed a cup of tea in my hands. In one hand, I held on to the back of his neck, in the other I brought the cup of tea towards his lips and lightly leaned it towards him.

  But who knew that his thin lips would tightened and the tea dripped down his lips. I repeated the process a few times but nothing could go in. I became rather anxious and finally placed the tea into my mouth, leaned towards his lips and transferred the water, drop by drop......




  When I left his lips, I saw his closed lids lightly shudder. As I placed the tea cup down, I heard him open his mouth again and tried to form the words, "Water... Drink..."

  So, again I drank a mouthful of tea to transfer to him, just as I started to use the tip of my tongue to tease open his teeth, I felt myself being hooked by another tongue. I was shocked but before I could retreat - it was already too late.

  The tongue carried the taste of osmanthus flowers, and it prickled my tongue as if it had thorns upon thorns, hooked, entwined, like the shadow following the body. I could not escape, I could not hide, my mouthful of tea slowly transformed into deep strong wine, I was intoxicated beyond my senses.

  I felt a hand hold onto the nape of my neck, the palm was icy cold as if it was metal. I suddenly shivered and the coldness awoke me. I pushed away his chest and tried to climb up, but my back was already firmly held onto by another arm. No matter how I struggled, I only caused both our robes to unravel further. 

  His robes were open, revealing a strong chest, the feeling of his muscles caused my face to burn. Hurriedly, I closed my eyes but in the gap before I firmly closed it - I saw a faint frost mark in the middle of his chest, as if sealing up something... my heart winced and I reached out my hand to touch the light scar.

  He closed his eyes and unconsciously his brows furrowed, a thick murderous intent swept over me and I couldn't help freezing in fear. But in the next moment, he let go of the back of my head and started to venture into my robes... I felt the silk buttons drop to the floor one by one.

  He lightly stroke my waist, the tips of his fingers slowly crawling up my spine, breezing by my shoulders, I heard my heart quickly beat into his palm.

  His breath tinged with the scent of alcohol swept across my forehead, there was even a cruel trace of sweetness. I held in my breath for so long that I thought I would suffocate, even the tips of my toes were tense. Suddenly, the world spun and he pressed down upon me.

  I licked my lips, reached out my hands to hook the back of his head and kissed his lips... he kissed me from the tip of my tongue to my back, inch by inch, careful but not gentle. His kisses felt like fire and enraptured my heart. I held onto his shoulders, wrapped myself around his legs, as if my heart wanted to find a warm support. In a moment, our breaths entwined into a web, as if we were always connected, we had never left, there was no separation of life and death, no ambiguity between love or hate, only two closely knitted hearts, with different pulses but holding on close together......

  He entered with a force that would shock the heart and moved the soul. In that moment, everything was empty, silent, and the song had come to a standstill - but suddenly, the music started to rise, the horses started racing, the battle fires, the horn, the war cries... it was overwhelming and I felt myself being swallowed...

   I did not know how long had passed but bathed in sweat, I leaned upon his chest. I watched him sleep with both his eyes closed, it was beautiful in an unfathomable way.

  I lowered my head towards that light frost mark again in his chest, I reached out to stroke it - it was like my heart was drowning and I could not breathe.

   He moved his mouth, his shape was the same, "Water... Drink..."

  I was struck, did he want to drink tea again? Perhaps he was internally heated after drinking so much alcohol and was naturally thirsty. But, when I tried to deliver tea to his mouth, he impatiently turned away. His mouth opened again, but this time I heard it clearly and I did not need to guess what he was saying from the shape of his mouth.
  
  "Sui... He..." [*Water has the sound of Sui, and Drink has the sound of He]

   I felt like my senses had been struck by thunder. After a moment, I placed both of my hands on my ears so that I could not hear anything. 

  "Some things... it is better not to know. The clearer it becomes, the more it hurts..." Night's words suddenly burst into my heart, I felt like my heart was bleeding.

   There was never any "Water... Drink...!" It was always just my foolish guess, from start to end, he was calling for Sui He...

   For her, he became drunk, he became sad, even worse, he hugged me, he kissed me, thinking I was......

   I clumsily stood up and the hands that tied my robes were uncontrollably trembling. I tried my best to tie the robes properly, but I could not concentrate - I could only see a cloud of mist. Finally, I did not know how much effort I had to muster to reasonably dress myself.

  The road was long, there was no end, I ran all the way. But, I kept feeling that a fierce ghost was chasing after me, wanting to eat me, eat my skin and meat, not even leaving my bones.

   I ran and ran, I kept running, I had forgotten I knew how to fly, I had forgotten I was a god, I had forgotten that even ghosts could not hurt me......

  But, I suddenly saw through one thing clearly.

   There was never a voodoo spell...

  I love him, I had fallen in love with the enemy that killed my father...

   That clearness, that sort of clarity, left me completely bare. 


Comments: Definitely one of the harder chapters to translate. This is one of my favourite chapters emotionally, though I don't actually enjoy translating mutual cultivation scenes, and I have to admit that I translate them with a large amount of 'creative licence' - I prefer to make them more poetic and ambiguous.

Whatever it is, I just want to give Jin Mi a good ol' hug. You followed your heart all the way, Jin Mi, but sometimes what lies at the end of the rainbow is not a pot of gold. Or is it? 

42 comments:

  1. OMG. This chapter is so intense. All the emotions. I was like yay! they are finally getting back together. Then oh shit. NO. She gets her heart broken again T.T

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    1. Hahaha I love your comment. I know right? It's quite draining to translate all these emotions, but I also enjoy the richness of Dian Xian's writing. I try not to reveal too much cos it may be spoilery, but I really like how Dian Xian has the guts go places in her writing and then deal with the aftermath,

      Go Jin Mi!

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    2. hahah yup. haha. actually i wanted to ask. What if she got pregnant lolol

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  2. I feel so sad for Jin Mi to hear another one's name slipped out at that moment. Well it must be because he thought Sui He was the one who revived him.

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    1. Indeed. I think most of us want to kick Phoenix at the moment, but keep faith!

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  3. This is so sad. It's such an emotional chapter. Can't wait to see what is going to happen next!

    Lily

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    1. We are getting really close to the end! And, also closer to the mystery of who killed the Water God *insert sinister drum roll*

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    2. I'm going to take a wild stab and say Sui He! I have faith in Phoenix that he definitely wasn't thinking of Sui He during mutual cultivation. There must be another explanation for why he muttered her name. I really hope the misunderstanding resolves soon. My heart can't take it!

      Lily

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    3. Have faith in Dian Xian ♡ i do agree that Jin Mi and Phoenix need to have a heart to heart talk, esp after Jin Mi has learnt about her heart

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  4. Thanks decembi.this chapter take my breath away :)

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    1. Hahaha! It also took my breath away during translating - I was like, eh I'm supposed to translate that?! Hahahaha. I mean in my own stories, I don't even go beyond kisses......

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  5. Wow, so he thought he was mutually cultivating with Sui He the whole entire time?! Ughh. -__-

    Btw Decembi, if you don't like translating mutual cultivation scenes, I can do them for you. I like being creative myself. xD

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    1. Hahaha. I don't enjoy but I treat it as a challenge. Mainly because the actions sound more subtle in mandarin and I try to capture that when I translate.

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  6. WHAT? wait.,...I'm sorry...but WHAT? As an avid reader and a watcher of dramas...I thought I had seen it all. But I was definitely taken aback twice in this chapter...first that the writer went "there"&had them go all the way, and second by what she then had Phoenix turn around and say. It was like being elevated to the highest heights in honeyed sweetness and then BOOM..back down to earth like a ton of bricks. Talk about emotional whiplash. Please tell me JM heard wrong and that he was actually saying something in Chinese that sounds like Jin Mi or her water element. Or else...that was just too too sad for the poor girl :(

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    1. The scene is definitely more complicated than it seems but I still think it's a great development for the story ♡ have faith in Dian Xian

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  7. OMG!!! What a chapter. Poor JM. I feel so sad for her but yet again feel sad for Phoenix as well. He's always loved her and it took her this long to realize she loved him. Cannot wait to read on. Thank you so much Decembi. Hope to read some more soon lol it's getting so intense

    mayx

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    1. Thanks for the support ♡ heaven and hell all in one scene!

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  8. Super ♥

    Super thanks!

    - samie

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  9. No no no !!!
    how can this be!
    JIN mi finally realizes she loves him after he hates her and is calling another's name!
    Can this be resolved?!
    thanks for the chapter!

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    1. Have faith in Dian Xian ♡♡♡

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  10. wow! the best chapter ever, emotionally and really blown me away the way dian xian had them met this way and the climax and etc etc. it is wonderful way to bring out the jealousy and love in jin mi. thks, decembi for the lovely saturday morning surprise. now, i really can't wait for next chapter n next next chapter. decmbi, u have done a wonderful translation here.....

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    1. Thank you for your kind words ♡ I totally agree with you - i really liked that the story went there.

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  11. Thank you so much decembi. Had it been me I would have run away as fast I can too. It would have been so painful to hear another woman's name in that moment of vulnerability and intimacy. I also believe Phoenix hadn't meant Sui He at that time. But I can't help but think: What if it was Sui He he was calling out then? Unbearable! -Belle Elise

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    1. Haha, to be fair, in Phoenix's eyes, Jin Mi had acted like she was in love with him for hundreds of years before literally stabbing him in his back

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  12. wowow! that was so intense! my most favorite chapter so far! thanks so much for sharing with us!!

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    1. Really glad you liked it ♡ i love the emotional intensity as well

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  13. Omg. Crazy..... I can't believe it. Finally she realized her feeling .... and than he said another girl name. I was like WTF. Why???? I was thinking finally and than go around on circle again. When is this going to end. My head hurts with this going back and forth. If this is real life I would tell them they need to leave each other alone bc they are hot mess. How many chapter left? We need closure soon. Thanks for your work.

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    1. Hahahaha, I agree, in real life, Jin Mi will be in jail and there won't be a second chance.

      I'm not sure if you can see the side bar, but we are at chapter 22. The novel ends at chapter 24 - though the ending is really a mini chapter 25. Then, we have 6 epilogues! <3

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  14. Wow! I was holding my breath when reading this chapter, so hot and intense! Thank you for sharing!

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    1. Welcome! :) Thanks so much for reading. If it helps, I was holding my breath while translating too... it was like.. ok he pressed her down..and I was like.. eh?! Hahaha.

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  15. OMG you're turning me against my boo Phoenix! How could you Dian Xian!!!
    Thank you for this weekend treat decembi!

    Lola

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    1. Welcome ♡ all will be revealed in the future chapters!

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  16. thank you for another great translation! really its quite obvious the love & hate that occurs between these two. but more evidently the love there is between them.
    reading how the author teases us w clues of what is actually occurring... man, phoenix is a great drunk actor! their love runs so deep & passionately. our foolish jin mi, & even more foolish phoenix. i feel bad for night now :(

    perhaps i might be a minority in here, but im rooting for phoenix & jin mi!

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    1. I'm a huge phoenix jin mi fan :) with a soft spot for Night.

      I agree that their love runs deep - that love perhaps has been tainted by their circumstances and one can only hope that that very love comes through and resolves all the hatred and misunderstandings

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  17. Thanks very much for your hard work, Decembi! :D Really enjoyed this chapter and can't wait to see what happens next - I am eagerly anticipating!

    Have a good day everyone~

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  18. Thank you for ur update but why is the update so slow now that we can hardly read a new chapter per month. I'm sorry i'm complaining when u r the one that is working hard but please have mercy for ur supporter and fans

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    1. I did not have time to post before i flew but i'm on holiday now. Will return to blogging when i'm home

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  19. I knew from the previous part the next part is going to lead to them meeting, and the longing and passion will finally burn them.

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    1. BURN them indeed! I love the passion <3

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